I left the coffee shop with a 45 minute drive ahead of me. I left thinking to myself; "Naw, i can make it. If i need to go that badly, i'll just pull into a gas station." I got to the last exit while leaving Des Moines and thought; "Here's my chance. The next exit isn't for another 15 minutes. ...Naw i can make it." That next exit came and i thought to myself once again; "Naw, i can make it." I had another 15 minutes to go and no further was i out of the tiny town that was my last refuge from pissing myself that i started to think about side roads. It's 4:30pm. It's still broad daylight. "So, there are plenty of country roads with minimal traffic and you have a plethora of napkins in your glovebox."
The pressure, the dancing, the mental freakout began. "Oh shit, what if i got in a car accident? I would piss on the spot." "What if i got out, dropped my pants in the first ditch i saw and pissed on a snake and it bit me in my...'hoo ha'?" This is the heartland. Creatures dwell all over. In this farming stretch of land, there are especially legless creatures. Nothing more harmful than a Garden Snake, unless out in the timber.
Anyway i squeeeeeezed it back and danced in my car, but not to the beat of the music. I kept thinking of different things to keep my mind off of having to go. "Fifteen minutes left. That's it."
"...Thirteen mintues left. Yup."
"Twelve minutes..."
Shit.
"As soon as i pull into town, can i make it to Mom and Dad's?" "...Sure you can."
The last few chances i had nearly caused me to wet myself. I haven't pulled this stunt since i was nine years old. I know what the consequences are.
I stopped at the first gas station in town and made a beeline for the bathroom.
It was a long, fulfilling, near orgasm urination.
It brought a tear to my eye.
