...blip...

Earlier this summer i met up with some of my girlfriends at El Bait Shop on a weekly drinkfest. It was Artsy, SunnyD and i carrying on over our brewskies in the usual female banter, catching up on what i had missed over the past few weeks; they go out a lot more than i do these days.

We'd been laughing hysterically at our table, happily swapping drunken, dramatic anecdotes, when a Blip From My Past comes my way. I saw him before he saw me. I aggressively avoided eye contact and continued telling my story when he did notice me and instead of continuing to walk on by, he stops. And with a happily surprised look on his face, he interrupts my sentence with a joyful "HI!" The smile on my face vanished. I met his eager eyes with malcontented ones.

Me: Hi.

Blip: How are you? How have you been?

Me (flatly): Great.

I made it a point not to return the perfunctory greeting.

...

Blip: It's good to see you.

I nod. He fidgets.

...

Blip: Well...see you.

I nod. He gives a half-wave and continues on.

I turned back to SunnyD who was looking directly at me in utter confusion. This was my cue to explain the awkward moment and who the frumpy, puppy-eyed puke was. I hadn't thought about her or Artsy (who was sitting right next to me) for the past fifteen seconds. I had forgotten they were even sitting there during my Red Glare.

I flakily waved my hand and smirked..."Not important." But they pressed me and i explained the reason why i was so cold; i was surprised and offended that he even stopped to talk to me, as if we were two people who had simply la la la fallen out of touch. When in fact, the reason we haven't spoken in years is because the last time we exchanged words, he made if very clear to me that he didn't want me in any part of his life.

For some reason today, this moment popped into my head. All i could think of was how good it felt. I was perfectly happy with my reaction and my ability -in that moment- to convey my displeasure with his presence. I think of that moment with complete satisfaction instead of my usual "I wish i would have said [this]." or "I wish i would have remembered to say [that]." No. There was nothing to say at all.

Best Halloween joke i've heard this year:

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?










Pokerface.

I survived H1N1 and all i got was this lousy mask.

The Sunday after last, the 18th (because it matters) i started feeling icky. Like, congested and respiratory icky. Gangsta said i should skip work the next day to go see the doctor. I was like, "psssshaw." You see, he was sick the week before with "just a virus" the doctor said, and that there was nothing they could give him and to "just wait it out."

Naturally, i thought that's all i had as well.

Wrong.

Monday morning, i felt like death. My body hurt and i didn't want to move. Gangsta had the day off, lucky for me, and made me go to the doctor because he too began to feel icky. This wasn't before i argued with him about finding a doctor that makes house calls. And then we went.

When we arrived, we were prompted with masks to wear and were ushered into a conference room. Yeah. A conference room at the back of the doctor's office because these days the words "Flu-like symptoms" are not taken lightly.

We finally saw the doctor, who i will continue to see from now on because the guy i usually see is dull, lame and makes mention that he was an OBGYN for twenty years every time that i see him.

But i digress.

The doc stuck a q-tip up my nose and came back to say, "Yep. You're our fifth case today."

Me: Case of what?

Doc: Swine flu.

I was astonished. Well, as astonished as i could be for someone who winced every time she was touched. I had a hard time wrapping my mind around this "epidemic" that i really thought i would, realistically, never be affected by. I mean, i was never affected by the bird flu. Why would this be any different?

But it was different. For a few reasons. A) I haven't had the flu in years and B) i have never had the flu with my significant other*. And C) i don't ever remember the flu taking so much out of me in my entire life. I didn't even know i had a fever until the nurse cheerfully stated "102.2!" after sticking that gun-like thingy in my ear. In case you were wondering, just because your symptoms are spouted out in a delightful manner, doesn't make them feel any less terrible.

After being prescribed some pretty basic antibiotics, Gangsta and i were snuck out the back door. Yeah, that was a first for me.

At home, we began our week of pain and suffering together. This is where it gets fun. Gangsta was prescribed a cough medicine that had hydrocodone in it. Guess who was jealous and used his instead? *points to self*

That night my fever broke and Gangsta's got worse. I was through my first inning while he was beginning his. So, i was the first to feel up to making tea. The next afternoon, Gangsta's fever went down and i was exhausted, so he made tea for us and dry toast. And this is how it was for the entire week. Who felt the best? Whose turn was it to get up? Where are the Icy Hot patches? I need one. He needs one. I need a flexerell. He needs Tylenol. Back and forth we took care of each other. It made me smile to think that this is what it could be like to be 80 together and i couldn't have asked for a better teammate in life.

This week, things are getting back to normal and we were able to give our apartment a face lift. As i was picking up and tidying after the hurricane of kleenexes and medicinal paraphernalia, i came across one of the masks that we wore home. I found myself unable to just grab it by the elastic and toss it in the trash. No, i grabbed a paper towel and placed it over the mask and grabbed it like a turd. Then i used two Clorox wipes on the table where it had been festering.

The bright side? I should be immune to this strain now.

*I'm just not used to the word fiancé yet. It's just so traditional. And i doubt i'll ever use the word husband because it feels so awkward and unlike me. I'll probably continue to say "partner" or "my man."

What are the top 12 things you would buy with your last $20?

That's what it said. My creative writing prompt wants me to list twelve things i would possibly purchase with my last Andrew Jackson. And since it doesn't specify, i'm going to assumed it's my last twenty of the week.

1. Tonight, i know i will be spending my last twenty ducats to see Where the Wild Things Are. I can see that far into the future.

2. If i was at the Iowa State Fair, i'd buy a funnel cake, a beer, chocolate covered cheesecake on a stick and a plate of screwy taters.

3. At Kay's garage sale, you could get a lot of things for your twenty bucks; Just bargain with her.

4. I'd try to purchase as many books as i could on eBay.

5. If i were walking around in the East Village (of Des Moines - Please stifle your laughter you NYers.) i'd hop up on a bar stool in the Continental and have a couple of large bottles of Lambic all to myself.

6. I'd try to purchase as many pairs of shoes as i could on eBay.

7. I'd take myself and Gangsta to lunch at Tasty Tacos.

8. I'd take us to see a show at the Hoyt Sherman. (Recently, Dave Attell.)

9. I'd buy Regina Spektor's latest cd.

10. Maybe a dime bag.

11. Maybe buy a few Lortabs or Xannys from my pharmaceutical friend.

12. A six-pack of Xingu and a bottle of wine to take to girl's night.

Cinco de Blog-oh

I won't try to make any excuses for being late in telling you this; Happy Anniversary.

This biped has been employing these opposable thumbs on this blog for five years as of September 30th.

Also, Gangsta and i went and saw District 9 last night so i found this image to be cutely appropriate-however loosely correlated.